1. |
Stream and Boulder
01:32
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emerged from the woods, to stand twixst stream and boulder,
sawed off my antlers, this land grows oh so colder,
a gaze that glows and smolders, the babbling brook beholder
if i go outside, it's just sometimes, crows land upon my shoulder
the trauma of the fauna that fled the flames
claws in, longing to burst the frame
a dawn in pain, remarks in vain
must we mar our hearts with shame
a poet with a power, and he's learning to control it too
doesn't show it, though it towers, please don't misconstrue
it's still early, this is day one, this barely the beginning
banners still unfurling, spurned on wind whipping howling
stand atop the rolling hills, carving out his own gills
backpack full of reclaimed pills pockets fulla inkstained quills
strap peter on the rack ask him where'd wendy go
left hand holding Baphomet's, right's in palms with wendigo
i write tunes for the depressed and anxious
trapped inside the masks that we languish
an unnerving frankness, heart so thankless
hands above our heads clutching spears of language
you and i on the tumuli
Patroclus soothes, too soon, he lied
aloof, contrite, destitute, deprived
seratonin's down but christ he tries
all i wanted to know, was where the other freaks were at
this will be my siren call, if you feel the same then please react
i'm stoned in a glass house, alone's how i pass out
roam till i gas out, tome fulla black clouds
a home for the cast out, the chewed and the spat out
looked within wrote a poem for my last doubts
frantically is how i do it all
leave em paused, exposed, appalled
you can think, consider, just don't blink
you'll see how this enthralls
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2. |
Steam Whistle
02:03
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3. |
Imposter Syndrome
02:27
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am i lying to my self? but i fake it so damn well
no bell sings or swells when you rein among the sylphs
dirtied air that prostrates, winks a whispered dare
shrinks beneath the stare, sputters though once it flared
say no prayers, forks that lightly score
whatever it was for, surfaces knicked and tore
pockmarks and scars, missed the mark of deportation
there's a sickle in my sleeve if you express some remonstration
i know it's weird, okay, it's overly poetic
bit dramatic sure, but from my heart i swear i meant it
copacetic, won't regret it, the bard with heart cemented
i can barely go two lines without embedding the eccentric
or maybe esoteric, fuck i'll guess i'll wear it, ezekiels angels are kinda my aesthetic
mixed with ash and bone, antlers, tide pools, streams i see alone
summer days with old friends skulls upon a tree
teenage me would be delighted by how i rock thirty
well maybe, in part start art n stand apart, dark
days, face malaise, hark, strays around a park, smart
enough to know he's weird, not enough to leave unmarked, part
of me that no one sees, just begs to see the sparks
i know that it's weird okay, it's self indulgency
but when a chapter ends so suddenly, turn the page or flee
so is it flee or succeed, lean into it and glean
some lesson or some hidden message, come with me and see
it's for the lost, the lonely and the crossed
the ones who walk behind, the lonesome and the tossed
the one who did some math about the weight of the exhaust
the ones who rescue others with their fingers laced with frost
can i call myself an artist yet
pushed myself the farthest yet?
regardless of dark it gets
i'll live and be a part of it
couldn't even see please, i'm lost beneath a deep sea
half of what i write needs me to please leave
three keys and mellon to get on past my guard
but somehow when there's music, it's no longer quite so hard
battle scarred, wanders beneath the stars
ponders the leaves and bark, a thief at least in part
but i know there are others who also feel like me
put your hand in mine we'll glow divine and march towards sights unseen
frantic
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4. |
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the darkest evening, void bereft of meaning
nails dig and reach to replay that old beating
pulsing, seething, convulsing, entreating
results so unseemly, a gulf in minds seeing
shapes of tears that sleep before dawn,
etched out in outlines that show where they spawned
in the time long before the sun showed us her face
gone are the days where i met her embrace
a life spawned in hearth stones i hark homes in hearts bone
os cordis i'll be, my beats near unto thee
i've spoken to birds and the earth and the trees
the pleas that were gasped as dawn made its reprieve
my eternal lie, so manic this schema
till my breath and my bone feed fly amanita
beyond the bounds of these boughs lies my anathema
the leaves seize at their cheeks fluttered tachypnea
exhile, the word still echos round my ears
years passed, and my laughters still plastered in jeers
aghast were the gasps rasped past their veneers
an outcast to lambast smashed flat so severe
those days are so gone, more full moons than you've dawns
i move with the corvid, cervidae and the fawn
i surveyed the ones who spat forth the meson
the last the world sees amidst its denoument
lost, none more lost than me
though it's my home that i roam as i weep
feet churning the soil oh the loam grows so deep
combs made of bones that i pluck from the trees
so it seems. the wind hisses, speckled mist
linked ivy's timely kiss. the seasons adrift
a legion amiss. cast a wink at the rift
no reason to live
with a crown of leaved vines, and a beckoning call
a flicker of light, in the blink of the pall
he wanders his home, dead but for all
those who revere, pray that never he halt
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5. |
Washed Aglow
02:07
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don't know what this means
know how it seems, i'll maybe come clean
was anyone else staring back from this screen
i'd grab them and shake them and i'd intervene
you know what i'm saying cuz you know where i've been
the fucked ups and failings, the time that we'd spend
retracing old scars, remarks to offend
and facing the fire if we break or we bend
i failed today. had a goal just watched, let it slip away
plans set aflame, guess i got time for the masquerades
but thought that i was a bit less set astray
but you know that don't you? so much better than the rest
that ringing in my ears that burning in your chest
you know that alone seems to be where we're best
its like i fail every test, or stumble at the crest
i'm the book on the shelf with a click when you lift it
the feeling of the first look, a glance how it shifted
the memory in the night of that moment and you missed it
i'm the maybe i shouldn't, i'm the pause and the first hit
thought i'd get better, made the effort
read the books and took the notes, endless damn endeavour
made it through and look behind, and i felt all of my pride
melt today, stared at a desk by myself today,
i'm too damn old for this repeat, for them to see me
eyes through my mask standing buried knee deep
caught in a lie what do you mean he
fakes it all, cant stand to lose control
in a system of rules which he was never taught
on a mission to categorize every single thought
and plan every loss, shocked at every win
staples that hold up the corners of a grin
a hexagonal piece trying to fit into a grid
a blade gone dull entreats to be slid
home one way or another
the way that we pause...lost
adrift in the moment we'll replay in our thoughts
caught in the...call it frost
but i guess when ya take risks, this can be the cost
sigh...seems this is all i know
fingers that skitter and a face washed aglow
when i suspect that my highest point's a plateu
you're the only one i'll show. i fucking hate this phone
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6. |
Busby's Stoop Chair
03:10
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i was lost in the dark with two frost covered limbs, when i paused and remarked, this cost so grim
a moral lesson turned to more or less sin, floral painted quarrels left a poor impression
what it means to see beams of hate shot from your eyes
beautiful demise, astute and yet surprised, ruminate, pupate, spread wings then eulogize
aborted endorphins, orphaned and abhorrent, yeah, core tenets found in a blood stained portent
sorted out the sordid, chaff from the important, once layered in love became a spat tongued torrent
venom set to pouring, adoring so seldomnly, verbal lacerations that tore through me
stunned and then shunned, from near unto amazing
if i had a time machine i would sample neros playing
never lose sleep over newspeak on looseleaf
beggar for the sheep he tries to count amidst the grief
disbelief, he invited joys thief
how can it be he didn't see this in the tea leaves
from barbs on a window to fingers on a spindle, to how much longer can i do this sans bindle
dire straits, my fave acquired taste, subbass i whisper my mistakes to
it takes two to tango, two souls to mangle,
two years to quell the bells that rang shrill
spills on to the rest of my life
lost in dreams where you're the yin to my yang still
you were the ghost on my shoulder, that chilled my heart colder
emboldened, both a scolder and consoler
spin all your tales, raconteur begin
connoiseur of sin, the smolder in your grin
unfettered notes, the sparks we'd conduct
letters i wrote you from a shuddering truck
leap out to twist open gates from the muck
thanking my luck, lightning slash love struck
shouldn't have trusted from the get go, saw a phone blink, chain smoke(heart shrink?) and say so
first night, it gets better right? straight back marched to heart of tornado
but by the grace of god, this is no place to stop, keep chasing my dreams on my way to some top
never stop, all haste, thoughts that must be faced, but cuz it left a trace, ill begin to remonstrate
myself, villain of some tales, keep on marching on till i find new cliffs to scale, till i fjord a brand new trail, i'll be here putting pen to paper weaving shells for snails
no more with the verbal sparring matches, learn to batten down the hatches when she bats those 40 lashes
lost in the dark where time will vanish, i spilled my guts and found a spine to brandish
pick my soul out the refuse, substitute solitude. lovers to abusers, treat hearts as loose fair, two people, eyes locked, music pounds going round busbys stoop chair
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7. |
I March
01:28
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forgot who i was
rot in the lungs
clots and frost that gum up the rungs
so stunned, woke, no fear told the mirror ill never succumb
that man in the glass
damned to the past
him and i eternal impasse
flash no substance, seems he holds onto reluctance
woke this morning, recalled who i am
for a second there, appalled at the plan
briefest instance, miniscule span,
lost where i began, my own commands
the sun glows and caresses' my cheek
my lungs hold pause and release
new lease at peace for the briefest of moments
time now for movement from the frozen
the chosen, behold the sculptor of my dreams
the maker molder holder of what is more than what it seems
live a life of bold extremes, the builder of regimes
building from the basis of his inner voices howling screams
less is more, a lesson me amor, lessen all your blessings you're so scarred and scored
what for? an endless battle, watch you climb then straddle, your tower of babel
tactful, laughable, begging with a capful
i'm baffled, frazzled, fading into fractals
last pull off on a glowing star, you and this both have left their marks
on the dark unknown that smolders inside
the sparks have grown much colder, besides
onwards we stride, towards a warmer goodbye
you and i both should beware the ides
i march, head held high, shoulders square and the ending nigh
there's something to be said for the slings and arrows
something to be learned from the incomparable
within you, reflected in me, and winking up from a glinting stream
who are you? what does this mean? put your hand in mine and we'll go saccharine
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8. |
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she awoke with a start, heart pounds reverbrates
the crack of a tongue that smarts, heaven shakes
lack of the sun, stunned, dawn never came
maybe this is the morning when all would be unmade
betrayed, yet hopeful, frayed, her coat pulled
against her shoulders as she swayed to the doorsill
the inky night that stained her eyes as she drank it in
blinked in fright, in twain her heart rips and spins
where were they? who was this? what moved amidst the mist?
if this was being betrayed it felt like a sweet kiss
rustle of the gown as she thumbed across her scars
briefly lost amidst her thoughts as they played across the yard
the mornings here had been so lovely shiny, maybe, once
the lungs that steamed those gleaming arks that covered past affronts
the past can seem so clean, scrubbed shiny through memory
burns and aches so briefly lost, that forgotten melody
covered up the nights the fright, unspoken visitors
eyes shut tight and curled fists that list amidst the dirt
flashing visions, tongue gone missing, a life and voice so curt
maybe this would be the time, was them who'd feel that hurt
bursting eyes wide open, spoken words that were a first
hope inside a whispered plea, unsure if prayer or curse
falling snow inverts, a howling wind asserts
in keening cry were all immersed
and so begins the worst
feet nestled in the copse, the leaves
rots amidst the plots and schemes
covet the covens with a yawning pot that spits and steams
shiver and crackle, raising their hackles
mystical specters that missed all the prattle
last till the plaster glows alabaster
whatever makes it faster to speak to their master
the glinting eyes that peered around the trees
a blade in a palm whimpered ecstasy
crimson drips and bleeds, licking ripping at the seams
a reality frayed stained with shrieking bleats
oh hear our howl from neath these cowls
steaming bowels, paired screams of owls
keening growls, released and prowl
complete replete with alterpiece befouled
eyes filled with tears at such a delicious, tender sight
no more filled with fear as she slipped into that night
her shift slipped from her shoulder, to ground it would drift
the fires that hissed and spit, as all began to lift
a gloating smile, no more beguiled, here were echoed memories
of home defiled, mocking trials, burning, ashened screams
a smile met her lips, as she met her new family
and faced the old, the weak, and spoke
here you can find friends amongst the trees
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